Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Rethinking Vanilla Ice

My kids are really into the song "Ice Ice Baby." I know, it's my fault. But they play it all the time, and I've been listening a lot to the lyrics. Check out this part, which describes a visit to A1A Beachfront Avenue:
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis
Jealous cause I'm out geting mine
Shay with a gauge and Vanilla with a nine
Reading for the chumps on the wall
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of eight balls
Gunshots ranged out like a bell
I grabbed my nine -- all I heard were shells
Falling on the concrete real fast
Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas
Bumper to bumper, the avenue's packed
I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack
Police on the scene, you know what I mean
They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends

If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
Okay, near as I can tell, Vanilla was out with some friends, armed with a 9mm, and they came across a party at which there were a bunch of coked up idiots who started shooting up the place. Now let me just suggest that if there are dope fiends spraying a party with gunfire, that's a problem, a problem which Vanilla didn't solve. So I don't know why he keeps promising to solve problems.

That said, Vanilla was armed and could have done something really stupid like try to take out the bad guys. On top of that, there were scantily clad women at this party, a situation that can encourage risky behavior among straight men. But Vanilla didn't follow that path. He got the hell out of there and let the police deal with the problem. That's actually a really smart thing to do in this situation. So Vanilla may not be a real problem-solver, but he's not an idiot. Word to his mother.


Anonymous said...

Absolutely one of your best posts. Trenchant.


cc . said...

it's giving me visions of jamey in a track suit, which i trust you're still young enough to remember. very well said. and thanks to NW for educating me on the word trenchant.

Eric Rubin said...

Where else can you get statistical breakdowns of US voting trends as well as an in-depth analysis of Ice Ice Baby?

Enik Rising!!