Thursday, May 21, 2009

"Fan" is short for "fanatic"

As a fan of good writing, video games, and freaks, I am grateful that Robert passed along this GameSpy article, which contains all three. It's a listing of the top five real-life fanboy recreations of video game weaponry, including video demonstrations of their usage. You've got to see the video of the guy trying to wield the Cloud Buster sword from Final Fantasy VII.

But my favorite description was of the Gears of War combination machine gun/chain saw:
There's no reasonable excuse for anybody to have this. If you're using it for hunting and you miss that deer with your spray of bullets, it's not exactly going to stick around while you charge at it screaming and frantically hitting the choke button on your chainsaw bayonet (because it's kind of chilly out on this theoretical day, in which case a chainsaw is about as reliable as a drunken promise). Or, if you're using it to face a human opponent, the bullets again are going to be quite a bit more effective than chasing them around with a chainsaw, which is like running with scissors on meth. And also: There's no way these things are going to be allowed in any kind of official combat, and any perceived "burglar" you could protect yourself from with the weapon would be two counties away as soon as you fired it up, covered in urine and frantically calling his mom over and over again, having her reassure him that monsters aren't real. So, with that in mind, the only way you're using this thing against a human would be to hunt hobos for sport on your own private island, and that's just generally frowned on it polite society. So quit it.

1 comment:

Robert said...

That quote is great, but my favorite part of the Gears of War gun is this: "It was so epically badass (a chainsaw attached to a god damn machinegun! That's like stapling a shark to a bear!)"